We human-beings are in never-ending search of pleasure, and in the lookout of avoiding pain. We detest discomfort and change. We try to accumulate as much resources as we can; and then we fear them losing away, then we try to accumulate more. We are creature of habits, routine and familiarity. And sadly, we are also slaves of unfamiliar situations and changes, unexpected results and turn of events, and we fear everything new. In short – we want to remain as we are. Neither more, nor less.
We want to remain as we are. Neither more, nor less.
We assume that happiness comes into existence because we have gained something or everything we wanted. We assume our happiness is a by-product of achievements, accomplishments, and accumulations. We assume happiness is an end-feeling. We assume attaining happiness is in itself an accomplishment.
And we have got it all wrong.
In the moment of discomfort, pain and suffering we cross our personal limitations.
Growth requires discomfort.
Becoming more means changing.
Change is always painful.
Thus it ultimately becomes a choice to either stay happy in the current situation, or stay happy in the discomfort.
In the moment of discomfort, pain and suffering we cross our personal limitations.
To seek growth, to become more, and to exceed our existing potential, we must get into a new zone. The next level. The another step. And that next level, new zone and another step is always going to put us at unease; just like we must pass an exam to get promoted to the next class. Let me explain.
Happiness is simply a feeling, which comes out of right set of emotions. And our emotions are directly linked to our thoughts, thought-processes, and thinking pattern.
We decide what all will make us feel secure.
We decide what will make us feel comfortable.
We decide what will keep my ego safe.
Those decisions are our own. We have decided those consciously and deliberately. And then we become slaves of our decisions. We happen to have tied our happiness now to a goal. Which might be attainable, or maybe not. But, ultimately we start to see our happiness in future.
The worst part is that our goal also keeps shifting. As we grow, become more, accomplish more, we keep shifting our goal further. And we always keep looking at happiness in a distant future.
What is rare and scarce is always overvalued. And we ourselves create scarcity of happiness in our lives. First we set a goal for our happiness. And achieving that goal requires us to pass through the pain and discomfort. Thus, our happiness which could exist even in current situation becomes a goal.
Seeking growth, exceeding our boundary, trying to achieve our potential is what keeps our life going.
This brings us to the core of this topic. Why embracing pain, discomfort, and suffering is a need for our happiness?
At one point we can hardly stay happy at our current situation. We strive daily to achieve more, become more, and accomplish more. And there’s nothing wrong in that. It’s our one of the most primary instinct to have more. Seeking growth, exceeding our boundary, trying to achieve our potential is what keeps our life going. It provides purpose, meaning and route to our lives.
While on the other hand what takes away our happiness is when we start to detest that journey to our next level. We detest because it is uncomfortable. And it always is uncomfortable. And we happen to not like that discomfort. Thus leading to a contradictory position of seeking more while at the same time avoiding pain in that journey.
We must understand that we can neither stop dreaming, striving and achieving more. So, should we also keep postponing our happiness and always keep it in distant future?
Happiness is a state of mind. It’s the way of looking at things which is available to us or not available to us in our life currently. And if we attach it to anything else, then happiness will always remain elusive. You dream of flying for every trip you take. There’s nothing wrong in that. But, why not keep enjoying the ride of the rickety bus until you reach a day when you will only fly.
Abrar Raza is an expert Counseling Psychologist for Personal Development, Self Improvement, Family & Relationship Issues, Workplace Wellness, Managing & Coping various life events and situations, and for overall Emotional Well-being. He is based out of Delhi and works as a Consultant Corporate Counselor with WorkplaceOptions and Optum. He takes private consultation at his Clinic. And also dedicates few hours to a well-known Online Counseling portal YourDost.com. Read More >>
For counseling appointments Abrar can be reached at:
Email: raza@abrar.co.in
Phone: +91-9873429888
